Sunday, May 29, 2011

Chapter 3 of Metagopolis

Chapter 3

An enthusiastic mustache and a pair of wide-open crazy eyes invaded Gregor’s vision.

“We are going to glean what afflicts you,” the hearty voice said. “Oh yes...oh yes oh yes oh yes. Notice, Gregor Townsend — if that is who you truly are — those four ‘Oh yes’es. What could that mean, exactly? Does it have to mean something? Everything means something. The question is, however, how much does the underlying meaning actually matter? These questions must be answered, and that is what I do. I will help you in your quest free of charge.”

Gregor was at first quite startled, and then thoroughly nonplussed.

“I’m sorry...I don’t — ”

“You don’t recognize me?”

“N — ”

“Not even a little bit?”

“I — ”

“A smidgen?”

“ — ”

“A hair? One of your white hairs? You don’t recognize me even in the slightest?”

“No, I do not.”

“Then right-o, young man! My detecting skills have finally hit their stride. Clooney. Detective Daniel Clayton Clooney. I detect. I analyze. I solve. That is what I do.”

Detective Daniel Clayton Clooney wore a long, buttoned-up overcoat and a pair of dirty brown boots. His eyes were small, and changed color in differing degrees of light. His eyebrows matched his mustache; big bushy things that were either threateningly intense or unexpectedly disarming, depending on his mentality at any given time. Unkempt black hair adorned his very animated face. He was the kind of man whose mouth flung spittle with every other word. It made Gregor blink a lot and feel very uncomfortable.

He put his hand on Gregor’s back as if they were old friends and started leading him through the throngs. Macata jumped down from Gregor’s back and navigated the forest of feet, only straying from Gregor’s shoes long enough to sate his feline curiosity on various random smells and things.

“Notice, Gregor Townsend, how here, in the markets, there are no decorations for the festival. No posters or banners or statues or games for the little ones. All the Vanos stuff is way up over there, in the central town square and beyond.” He motioned in a northerly direction.

“The what stuff?”

“Vanos. The Great Bird. The point of this whole town. The purpose of this place and its people.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

“Oh, I am getting ahead of myself. Vanos, the Great Bird, blessed with four wings, a veritable god among men. Or a god among birds, really. Saved humanity by taking a man and woman from a plagued continent to a plague-free continent. Many celebrate the damned myth still, though as you can see there aren’t any of the outward showings of festivity here, down in the markets. Just plain and simple bartering. But notice the crowds! Notice the commerce, the trading, the business! And take note of this, young Townsend: they aren’t this busy at any other time of the year! The town uses Vanos to promote its own economic growth. So they have all the decorations and nice things in their own nice little places, but no one cares down here in the markets. The decorations don’t matter except for garnish. The garnish of the Great Bird. Unnecessary for the most part, unnecessary for economic growth, unnecessary for wealth and riches! Do you see what I mean about the town? It exists to continue its existence. And not only to do that, but to flourish! To expand its boundaries and to enlarge the wallet! And you can see how it does. That is the reason for this town: to compound itself. It works for the holiday. Vanos is the point of this town. All of these, the shops and stalls, your hardware store, all the vendors and all the soliciting that goes on down here — "
“Wait wait. My hardware store?”

“Yes, the one you work in. It too abuses the concept of growth. That Tom Basket is a nice enough fellow, but still nothing matters to him more than sales. Which would not be a terrible crime; people have to eat and people have to build, but that is what drives their life. That is why they exist. Material things! Some of us, though, know different things. Some of us understand that there is more. The call, Gregor, the call. The call to attain something greater, some other higher purpose, or at the very least something higher than making money and growing economically. I myself have not had much opportunity to go elsewhere, and so I stay here, honing my deduction skills and growing ever sharper, day by day. That is my purpose.”

Given the subject matter, these words made a great impression on Gregor Townsend, and he stood there contemplatively for some time. It was in that twinkling moment that something inside Gregor... changed.

“Thank the sky for them, though, huh?” Clooney went on. “Without all those characters who do real work for a living and don’t really care about the finer things in life, we wouldn’t have those finer things at all. Being an intellectually honest analyst, I must admit this.”

Gregor waited until he was sure Clooney was done before speaking.

“Okay, Mr. Clooney, uh, sir...I really have no idea who you are, or even at this point who I am, and while I appreciate what you’re saying, I don’t think you’re really following through on that analysis business of yours. I thought you were going to help me find who I was. I would really like to start figuring out this life that I was apparently living before I lost my memory, and I can’t — ”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Townsend! Good heavens, we walked two paces and I was already off on another of my tangents. That’s what the detective does, though. Detect. Analyze. Solve. Look at every single thing from every possible perspective. The analyst’s mind will go where it pleases. But sometimes, I agree, it needs to be restrained.

“Now obviously the mission with you here is to bring you back to your senses. Although I would wonder what for. All you have to go back to is the hardware store. Aha!”

He took out a small pad of paper from one coat pocket and a pen from another and jotted something down, presumably the rhyme he had stumbled upon. This reminded Gregor of his own writing materials in the satchel hanging from his shoulder.

“Well then, Gregor,” said Clooney, tucking away his things, “Let’s get you going on this recovery process.”

“I do have a question, though.”

“Fire away.”

“How did you know — how did you know to come talk to me? What about me did you analyze — ”

“I first saw it in your movements,” Clooney answered, cutting Gregor off. “The way you were so shocked at the existence of Legole. The cat helping you get out of Legole’s path. A cat I haven’t seen before. Also in your hair. Your white hair is unusually messy today. And in your eyes. Detached, wondrous. You looked lost. It all happened very rapidly, and I acted on instinct. Now, explain your dilemma a bit further, please.”

“There really isn’t much to tell. I woke up this morning without any memory.”

“None?”

“Nothing.”

“No memory. What about memory of memory?”

The dream world came to Gregor’s mind. A dream he couldn’t remember one whit of, except for the process of awakening and trying to keep it from slipping through his figurative fingers.

“I remember having a dream. But I don’t know what happened in it.”

“Then we shall have to determine who you are, Gregor Townsend. I know who you were; I had spoken with you on occasion in yesterdays past, but I think it should be crystal clear that today is not yesterday. Today I’ll help as much as I can in the retrieval of your yesterdays, but you are going to have to make up the tomorrows yourself.”

They stopped by a shop called Vognettle’s Battle Wares. A big bald man stood behind the counter. Clooney pushed Gregor forward and presented him as if displaying a product he was trying to sell.

“Who do you think this young man is, Mr. Vognettle? What do you see in him? Check his eyes,” he said sagely. “Those are the most important.”

“I see Gregor Townsend,” said the man in a mean voice and a matching expression. “The white-haired kid. What of it, Clooney? Clooney loony?”

“Now there’s a man who does not know subtlety,” Clooney said, leaning in close to Gregor as if he were giving him valuable advice. “Best leave him out of our journey.”

The reference to his hair made Gregor glance around self-consciously. No one else in the entire crowd had hair like his.

The detective guided Gregor to a spot just a few yards away from a fruit seller, who was surrounded on three sides by carts and baskets full of apples, bananas, and cherries.

“Observe these times, Gregor. This fruit, that man....notice his hawk-like eyes over all of his produce. The eyes are the most important. Small, beady brown eyes. Hovering over, constant vigilance; the fruit is his and he will not let it be stolen. His hands, look at his hands: if not dealing directly with a customer then they are floating over the fruit. Almost like an extra pair of eyes, standing guard. Now, let’s see if we can shake things up a bit.”

He turned left and right, looking for something. Or someone.

“Ah, here we are. Perfect timing.” He reached out his hand to touch the shoulder of a small but belligerent-looking boy passing right by them. “Nicholas Halladio, stay here a moment.”

“My name’s Nick, Clooney,” snapped the boy.

Clooney knelt on one knee to speak at the boy’s level. “Nicholas, I want to make a deal with you. I will give you three coins —”

“What kind of coins are they?”

“Unimportant. I will give you three coins if you manage to snatch an apple without getting caught.” He indicated the barrel full of apples on the far side of the stand.

“Is the apple mine afterward?”

“Also unimportant. But yes.”

The boy went immediately about this business, and ducked into the crowd.

“Or no,” said Clooney as an afterthought. “Would it be his? The apple.... Gregor, tell me what you think.”

“I’m not sure — ”

“Would that imply relativity then? That the apple would be his if he stole it. I suppose by nature it is relative... If there is more than one opinion, more than one judgment, then, by logic and by Vanos, it would be a relative situation.”

Clooney drifted away, lost in thought. Gregor took the time to think back on Clooney’s words of purpose, of the existence of this town, and the words of his own awakening. He found them still repeating in the back of his mind, but much more softly now, like simmering cider.

Gregor only half-watched as the clever boy handed over one coin to the seller and picked up an apple at the same time. It took him a moment before he realized what he saw. The boy then drew back into the crowd for a moment before popping up right next to Gregor and Clooney.

“I have reached a conclusion,” stated the detective out of his stupor, looking down at Nicholas. “The apple would be yours.”

“Of course it’s mine. See?” He tossed it in the air and caught it again. “I want my three coins.”

“I’ll give them to you out of my good nature and intellectual honesty,” said Clooney.

He reached into his pocket, withdrew three of the same kind of coin the boy had paid one of to the fruit-seller, and dropped them one at a time into the boy’s open, waiting hand. Gregor, smiling, noted the boy’s cleverness but Clooney remained unaware.

“So how does that help me regain my mind, Mr. Clooney?” Gregor asked after Nicholas had run off.

“It helps you thus: that boy learned from his father those tricks of the trade we just witnessed. Slyness. Subtlety. Thievery.”

“And cleverness,” Gregor added.

“No doubt. So we can tell who that boy is and what he will one day become by looking at his parents. He will look like his father and act like his father. You wonder who you are. You wonder why you are here. Look to your progenitors, Gregor Townsend. It is they who you will be like, and thus who you are.”

“Progenitors?”

“Parents. Ancestors. Your heritage. Kittens grow up to be cats, and pups into dogs.” At this moment, Macata leaped up onto Gregor’s shoulder. “The offspring of a cat will always grow up to be a cat. You want to find your source? You want to know who you are? Look to your parents.”

“I wasn’t aware I had parents to look for. Don’t I live alone?”

“Well yes. I suppose you do.”

The conversation stalled for a moment. Gregor broke the silence.

“What are the coins?”

“Money,” said the detective.

“I sort of figured that out on my own.”

“Oh, yes. I had forgotten about your forgetfulness. Anyway, those coins were rences. Five rences make up a lontai. Twenty lontais make a namenah. A hundred namenahs is a cenamenah. To put it in perspective, one rence could buy one apple.”

They walked on, Clooney still oblivious to what little Nicholas Halladio had done, despite his own words. They stopped at a little shop selling jewelry.

“And here, Gregor, we see a perfectly practical object lesson,” he said, opening the door for him.

“May I help you find something?” said the round and small jeweler behind the counter.

“No, we’re just looking,” said Clooney as he picked up a navy blue bracelet and showed it to Gregor.

The jeweler eyed them something fierce, Clooney in particular. He seemed, for whatever reason, to be on the verge of throwing them out of the store.

“See this ornament,” Clooney said, “decorated with this stone, this particular precious stone. To use the system of currency we just established, it’s worth about six or seven namenahs.”

“It’s worth — fifteen namenahs by my judgment, at least” said the jeweler in a blustery, upset, offended manner.

Clooney let forth a laugh. “No, I’m fairly certain this is worth seven. Eight is the highest I, or anybody else, would ever go.”

The jeweler’s face began to turn red, not in embarrassment but in a kind of barely-restrained rage.

Clooney continued on without care. “What makes it interesting, Gregor Townsend, is this gem. A sapphire suffused with zultaire, which is of course mined from the quarry on Mt. Oniz, just a few miles away to the east. You saw it on your way here. The quarry was originally for ordinary minerals, but just a few years ago they found zultaire in abundance underneath the mountain, and they’ve been mining underground ever since. This kind of gem was once most valuable, most precious. Now everybody has them, and what was once unique and beautiful has now become common and even vulgar to many’s tastes. To mine, certainly.”

The jeweler turned ever redder and his breathing became tense and short, puffing in and out, his blood pressure indubitably rising.

“But if you were to cross the sea, in any direction, to whatever land you so chose, and carried with you a sack full of these, it would profit you much. Sir,” Clooney said, turning to the jeweler, holding the bracelet. “May I suggest seeking employment across the sea? Over on the Ganothran continent, perhaps, or even Metagopolis, for instance — ”

Macata suddenly hissed at Clooney, interrupting him and making all three stare silently downwards. Seconds passed before Clooney brought them back by finishing his sentence.

“ — you could make a fine living. Much better than here.”

“No,” huffed the jeweler, red in the face, eyes bugged, and his whole person flustered with fury. “You may not suggest anything of the sort.”

Clooney set the bracelet down on the counter and once again put his arm around Gregor’s shoulders in a fatherly manner. “The stubbornness of some people is staggering,” he said as they walked out. “I give some business advice and get thrown out. How’s that for justice?”

Gregor tried to throw an apologetic look behind him at the jeweler, but the door swung shut too soon. A reasonable distance away, Daniel Clayton Clooney faced eastward and pointed.

“That is Mt. Oniz,” he said.

The image of Mt. Oniz, once a quarry, now a mine, struck Gregor and burned into his empty memory. No, it did not look familiar, but he was sure he would not forget it very soon. The greater part of the quarry was on the opposite side of the mountain, looking like a grand staircase of stone. But at the very top it curled partway around the summit, giving the inhabitants of Middleton a brief view of the silver-colored core of the mountain. From where Gregor and Clooney stood it dominated the landscape like a great behemoth craning its neck around to watch over the town.

“They are using tools and technology from lands across the sea to mine it. Very advanced. It helped make Middleton what it is. Which isn’t much, not yet, but with huge amounts of potential. On its way to much growth.

“And over there,” he said, pushing Gregor around and pointing westward, “is Mt. Oblaid. No mines, no quarries. Left in its natural state. Now it is merely a pleasant hike. Farmer Ajay’s vineyard is over there. A nice little tourist attraction. He makes green wine.”

A rather ordinary but pleasant mountain covered in trees. Much bigger than Oniz but much less visually striking.

“I find it interesting,” Gregor said, indicating Oniz with a jerk of his head, “that so much violence could lead to so much progress.”

“Violence! Who said anything about violence?”

At that moment they heard a loud BOOM from the distant quarry.

“Ah, violence to stone and ear,” said Clooney, nodding his head in understanding. “And I suppose yes, there have been a few injuries...and one or two deaths....”

“Then would you say it has been worth it?”

“Well, if one were to calculate how much better off the great majority of the town is, and that nothing worthwhile is ever without risk, even to life and limb, and to say that the greatest victories are the ones fought the fiercest, with the greatest rewards upon winning and the most hellish consequences upon losing...then sure, I would agree that it was worth it.”

A short pause as both contemplated.

“But there is more I think!” said Clooney with a start. “That mountain is being carved out, like a statue that was once a block of stone. The path to progress is paved with pain.”

They had reached the far end of the markets and were now rounding the path back to the point at which they had first met.

“So have I helped at all, Mr. Townsend?”

“Well, I don’t think we’ve ‘gleaned what afflicts me’. But you have given me a lot to think about in the meantime. And who knows, maybe it will lead to — ”

“Then we’re not finished. We must glean. We must!”

Clooney stopped a passing woman.

“Do you know who this young man is?” he asked with a heretofore unseen zeal that more matched a revolutionary than a poor, greasy literary detective.

“Sure, Danny, that’s Gregor from Tom Basket’s you’ve got there. I think Tom’s been asking about you...” she said to Gregor. And then, in somewhat of a whisper, “You’re a good boy to humor the detective. He’ll let up soon enough, you’ll see.”

Clooney, not having heard the aside, pulled Gregor in something of an overenthusiastic way over to a small group of conversing old men, all sitting on logs or stumps in the shade of a large tree off the main path. Like Clooney and Gregor, these men had apparently nothing better to do with their time than talk. Clooney, leaving Gregor slightly behind him, entered their circle without a word, and stared intensely at each of the men in turn as they spoke. All of them noticed the intrusion (and the intense glares), but did not show it (excepting, of course, the current speaker’s slight faltering of words, which was immediately followed by his quick hop back onto his train of thought). Otherwise, they didn’t react much to Clooney’s presence. The detective, following their conversation with both eyes and ears, did not breathe a word — not until one man used the phrase “worlds without end.”

“Worlds without end?” Clooney said in a strangely accusatory voice, as if he were chief prosecutor in a criminal trial. “What do you mean by that in your context, sir?”

“I mean the idea of lives,” said the man impatiently. “We are all each centers of perception, sense perception, and the viewpoint we see the world from is us, ourselves. Each of us is in a wholly different world from the other. The act of murder is to snuff out one of these worlds. Without a ‘me’ there is nothing. By ‘worlds without end’ is meant the idea of little worlds being created every day, and that we have the capacity to continue life on forever. Every time a child is born, a whole new world is created. And if one were to kill a person, and in so doing destroy a perceiver, you also destroy a world. A world that could have created more worlds. Worlds without end.”

“But that only holds true,” interjected one of the circle, “if every one of those centers of perception actually perceived.”

“What do you mean?” said another. Soon many were speaking.

“What I mean is this: How do we know that everybody else is as human as we are? What if, say, I was the only real being, and the rest are just soulless props?”

“Just random organic matter that could or could not have its own center of perception.”

“That’s a fairly egotistic philosophy.”

“Just an idea, and an interesting one.”

“Not to mention frightening. In that case, the only world that exists would be that which we perceive from moment to moment.”

“So it’s not whether the tree, falling alone in the forest, makes a sound, but if the tree exists at all, if there is nobody there to see it.”

“Do things only exist if they are perceived?”

“There’s no way to prove or disprove that idea. If we ever tried to measure such a thing it would be instantly self-defeating.”

Clooney pulled Gregor back to the path.

“Those men are totally pointless,” he said. “Their words are totally pointless. No, Gregor, you need something more material to go on. Come, let’s talk to this gentle lady here...”

As Clooney interrogated the poor woman, Gregor stood distantly to the side, pondering over everything he had seen and heard in the last few minutes with Daniel Clayton Clooney. As his ears heard the noise and bartering all around him, and as his eyes observed the frenzied peoples and their busy, self-continuing ways, he remembered the Awakening Words. At first they spoke softly to him, but as they repeated, it gradually grew to the power of thunder.

Gregor Townsend exists for a wise and glorious purpose.

And with that, Gregor knew that he was not and never would be a true part of this town. This was not where he belonged.

“Useless, again, useless!” Clooney cried in his energetic way, departing from the woman and again wrenching Gregor along by the arm. “These people can’t help us with anything. Who needs them! They know nothing. Funnily enough, the same goes for you. That was, most indubitably, another object lesson. And that’s proof that you belong here! They know nothing and you know nothing. Have we found a solution at last? Ah, here we are. We have finally found where you belong.”

The turtle-like structure of Tom Basket’s Hardware Emporium stood before them.

“And so we arrive! Here is your place. Where you shall make your money and earn your bread.”

Gregor sighed with resigned regret at the sight of the bastion of his former self. But an incidental question popped up in his mind.

“Mr. Clooney,” Gregor said, “How do you make YOUR living?”

Clooney smiled. “Why, my boy, I beg. It is my place in the world to ask questions that nobody else does — ”

“Nor anyone else cares about,” interjected a passerby.

“Lovely,” said Clooney, looking a little tired.

“I have to ask, though...why did you try to help me so much?”

Clooney smiled sadly and gave a helpless shrug.

“You were the only one who listened to me before,” he said.

“Oh. I’m — I’m sorry. But, um, just one more question, then. What’s that dark thing up there in the sky?” Gregor pointed up at what he had called the black cloud. Clooney followed the direction his finger was pointing.

“A mountain, of course!” said the detective, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Gregor just stared at him, feeling a bit uncomfortable.

“Okay, thanks...” he said wearily as he walked away from Clooney into Tom Basket’s Hardware Emporium. He sighed, discouragement on his face. He had become even more confused than when he had first woken up. Nothing had been gleaned at all.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Chapter 2

Outside his cottage our white-haired young man found a world quite like that which he had seen through the window. It was indeed the same world, pleasant, but very much ordinary. He didn’t expect anything else. Flat, green, grassy fields divided by a dusty brown path leading out from his door. That’s all it was.

The brook he saw through the window ran parallel to this path. The path itself headed north, right in between two distant mountains. Before heading down this path he meandered over to the brook, right beneath the oak tree. He crouched down and dipped his hands into the water, feeling the current pass through and around his fingers. He stared into the brook, into his own white-haired reflection. The face that stared back was instantly familiar to him, but new at the same time. Like it had not existed until he saw it personally, and now it did and it made perfect sense. He couldn’t explain it any other way.

Certainly a storm was brewing inside that skull at the sight of himself. His attempts to explain any of what he had been experiencing were failing miserably. Nothing was holding, nothing was catching. He splashed water in his face a few times.

By chance he happened to look downstream. The sight he saw made him jump back in alarm, in horror. Right next to him, half submerged in clay, was a human skeleton.

But as longer he stared at the chilling sight, not moving a muscle, it seemed to him not made of actual bone, but of dust, the same brown dust that paved the path behind him. He continued to gape, transfixed, for another four minutes before doing anything. Then he crept tentatively closer, finally coming to kneel at its side. It looked so fragile, so ancient. His quivering fingers reached out to touch it...

And it dissolved, right before his eyes, crumbling into formless dust as if nothing had been there at all. He hurriedly backed away and set foot to the path, keeping his gaze forward. As he walked and left the cottage behind, the repeating Sentence came back to his mind’s forefront. After a while, he heard the song of the little blue bird, and realized that it was following him. Its simple melodies cheered his stricken heart.

The path curved, and then came to a fork. To the right it led further north, toward the mountains. To the left were just more fields. He chose right. And after a mere three long, buoyant steps forward, he was promptly pounced upon.

The thing that pounced turned out to be a cat, but he did not realize immediately. Totally overcome by surprise, our young man simply fell over. The cat, an autumn-colored calico, managed to hold onto his shoulder, where it had landed, by inserting its claws deep into the skin. In his pain and confusion, the young man wrenched the cat, and subsequently some of his own flesh, away from him.

He sat there absurdly in the dust, staring at the arrogant cat as it licked dust and human oil from its fur coat. Eventually it stopped its elitist bathing and stared back at him, calm and straight. It had green, unblinking eyes. The young man wondered what color his own eyes were. To the cat he said his first spoken words.

“So, what’s your explanation for all this?”

As to the reason he decided now was the best time to speak up? Perhaps it was because this was the first creature he had come across with which he could speak eye to eye, and he had formerly been so alone, and in such a vacuum of activity, that now all his thoughts and pent-up emotions came tumbling out without any restraint.

“Why did you jump on me? Why is this bird,” — he looked up at the bird gliding through the air, and motioned at it, frustrated — “why is this bird following me? Who am I? Where am I, where am I supposed to go? What am I doing? Why am I talking to you? Why am I anything at all? There’s just no reason for all this. I don’t know why I exist. Why do you exist? Is there any reason for anything? What is going on and why can’t I figure anything out? Why — ”

He cut himself short. His wandering eyes had found something strange in the sky. He squinted into the sunlight. Way high up in the middle of the blue was a lone black cloud. It did not bear the exact appearance of a cloud — it seemed to be stationary, solid, and solitary, no other clouds around it, completely out of place. Not quite a cloud, but some dark mass hanging there in the clear blue sky, watching over the world below.

The cat rubbed against his legs. Its purring quelled his anger.

“Don’t attack the bird, okay?” he said to the cat as his breathing calmed. “You can come along if you promise that.”

His journey continued, the cat at his feet, the bird overhead. The grassy fields grew thicker with foliage and shrubbery. He walked, then walked, and then continued to walk.

And soon a town entered his sights, nestled right between the mountains. This, as he would come to find out, was Middleton, northernmost town on the central island of the five-island city-state Pentasma. Cobblestone streets, quaint wooden homes, smoke pillowing out of forges, steam sighing from vents, a market based on shipping and minerals unearthed from nearby Mt. Oniz, all accented by the crisp salty air of the sea.

The town breathed, it laughed, it sang. Children gamboled about, chasing each other, playing games, getting in the way of their parents, who in turn went about casually doing their daily chores and discussing the latest gossip or news with friends and neighbors. Smiles greeted smiles and happy voices filled the air, creating a relaxed, carefree atmosphere for everybody. It almost made the young man want to smile, too. He had entered on a festival day.

Then a child bumped into him, and he heard words that made his ghost of a smile vanish:

“Sorry, Gregor!” and the little girl ran off, giggling.

Gregor Townsend. That was his name. The one who existed for a wise and glorious purpose. As he had suspected. As he feared. But at least now he had something. And he found that, just like when he had seen his reflection, he had always known his name, though it had not existed in his mind until this very moment.

Gregor continued passing through the homes and then finally into the commercial heart of the town, where the dusty road turned to cobblestones, where he found even more busy, bustling crowds. Some of the townspeople dragged carts around, others children; many, including Gregor, traveled to and fro with no particular goal in mind. Conversations of differing tones and volumes between seller and buyer or betwixt customers gave the town a happy, buzzing murmur. Most of the stores around him stood strong as relatively permanent structures. But today, being a festival day, shops and stalls of a more temporary nature sprang up, capitalizing on the crowds.

“Hey!” cried a young boy, pointing at Gregor. “You didn’t have him yesterday.”

It took Gregor a moment to realize that the boy wasn’t pointing to him exactly, but to the cat who had been perched on his shoulder this whole time.

“Didn’t I?” Gregor mumbled, confused.

This meant something important to Gregor Townsend. He had existed before this morning. He was a real person. But the cat had not been with him.

“One of Caroline’s?” asked the boy.

“Just a new addition,” Gregor said with a shrug and a helpless smile, unsure what the boy meant, and also unsure what he himself meant.

But the boy seemed satisfied with the answer and ran off with his friends. Gregor stared after him, wondering if he had friends, too.

Then something happened to make him realize the answer was Yes, he did indeed. The cat, out of nowhere, suddenly dug in its claws deep into his shoulder. He turned to face the cat to ask an irritated why? — but then he saw what the cat had been warning him of: about five feet away from his face, and covering ground fast, was some sort of giant reptile pulling a heavy, awkward cart behind it. One does not ordinarily stop in the way of a swiftly-trotting dragon, and the cat had reminded Gregor of this fact in case he had forgotten it along with everything else, because that’s what friends do.

Gregor jumped twice; the first in fright and the second to get the dickens out of its way. No driver directed the beast; it seemed to know its way around town. And, in fact, the rest of the townspeople stepped casually out of its way as if this were a normal occurrence. It was.

Now safely in the wake of the uncaring animal, Gregor had time to examine it more carefully, albeit from a rapidly-increasing distance. It was a dragon if he’d ever seen one. But compared to the dragons he knew (but could not remember ever seeing), it was like a lapdog to a wolf. The only remnants of wings were flaps of green skin hanging from its arms; the head was crowned by small, red, webbed fins and its claws looked filed off. Perhaps this dragon, if such it could be called, had had all its potentially dangerous qualities, both in disposition and in physicality, bred out.

As the “dragon” disappeared into the crowds Gregor gave the cat a pat on the head and a word of gratitude.

“Thanks,” he said. The cat purred graciously and nudged its head further into Gregor’s scratching fingers. Gregor turned to the sky to see if his other companion had remained with him. It certainly had. The little blue songbird landed on a rooftop corner and let out a tweet only Gregor could hear. It was then Gregor decided to name his animals.

“Macata,” he whispered, looking at his cat. And “Buzby” while looking at the bird.

Just then a loud, hearty voice rang out, and a hand gripped his shoulder.

“Gregor Townsend! Your head is in the stars, young man. We certainly have a job ahead of us today.”

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Chapter 1 Rewritten

All comments welcome.

From the Fiery Depths to Starpara
Book One in the Metagopolis Tetralogy

Chapter 1

Gregor Townsend exists for a wise and glorious purpose.

With those words imprinted on his brain, the white-haired young man at the center of our story woke out of his dream and into a nightmare. He arrived in a panic, gasping and choking, as if he had just emerged from the sea after almost drowning. The world he found himself in contrasted harshly with his dream, as different as the depths of an ocean would be to a creature of the sky. Ironically this was not far from the truth.

He sat upright in a bed, naked and alone, the room lit a low, cool blue like just before dawn, or just after dusk. Behind him a mostly-closed shutter door let in that bluish light through the large window it protected. He had been drooling like a baby, though he did not know it.

The Sentence that accompanied him into this new reality held him in its clutches, repeating itself over and over again as consistently as the tide.

Gregor Townsend exists for a wise and glorious purpose.
Gregor Townsend exists for a wise and glorious purpose.
Gregor Townsend exists for a wise and glorious purpose.

He looked in consternation around the room, searching for answers, taking everything in as the overarching question of WHY? raged and slashed through him. No solution came as his eyes took in his surroundings. Ordinary household furnishings filled the room: a dresser, a fireplace, and a stove; a desk, a stool, and a closet; a sink, a few cupboards and a doorway to a bathroom. He knew what these were, but had no recollection of seeing or using any of them before.

Nor could he remember doing anything before. You see, he had lost his memory, forgotten everything before these first few waking minutes. All that populated his mind now was his memory of the dream world he had awoken from. But as second after second passed, the water of memory slipped through his careless fingers. And so a desperation to retain the sights and sounds he still remembered rose.

He blundered out of bed and over to the desk. There he found a pad of paper and a pen, which he took in his hands. He scribbled furiously the first three words that came to him.

soar
sky

light

That was it. Only those fragments remained. And soon, they had gone away too. He stared at the paper desperately, his mind totally empty —

Except for that Sentence, those words with which he had awoken.

Gregor Townsend exists for a wise and glorious purpose.

It continued to ring in his ears, the words clear as day. And so of course questions naturally sprang up in the vacuum of his mind. Questions as to the identity of this “Gregor Townsend.” He supposed it was probably him, as that would make the most sense. But how could he have purpose? He, being as innocent and ignorant as a newborn babe, didn’t even know who he was, nor where he had come from, nor where he was going. So of course the notion of ‘purpose’ seemed secondary to him. But he wrote down these questions anyway, right underneath the other words.

Who?

Where?

Why?

Curiously, he did not write down the Sentence. He didn’t feel he had to. Already it had taken permanent residence in his subconscious, able to be recalled at any time. It would not be forgotten easily, as had the dream world from which he had awoken.

His attention again turned to the rest of the room. He knew what all these things were. He knew language, and how to write. He knew laws of physics and everything like that. He just did not know himself. Our young man was lost in an inverted fog.

His eye caught the crack of light from the slightly open window shutter. The light it let through had changed from blue to red. The room had grown brighter since his awakening. Striding over to the window, he took the shutters in hand and pulled them open.

Light flooded the room, and the young man took a step back, startled by what he saw. It was not the scene outside that jolted his senses; that scene was rather ordinary: a green grassy field, a humble babbling brook, and a single tall oak tree, all warmed by the yellow light of a rising sun. No, it was not what lay beyond the window, but the window itself.

The window, clearly not an ordinary pane of glass, rippled like liquid, like a wind-kissed pond. It distorted the outside world like glass or water would, almost as if the grass and brook and tree were a painting, not yet dry. He reached up to touch it, entranced...

And as it looked, it felt. Like liquid, like a painting. Wet, but more so: his fingers, upon penetrating this strange matter, lost their material form and added their color to the world beyond. A puddle of pink mixed into the green field where he had touched. At first this frightened him, and he quickly drew his hand away. The alien color twirled back in to the point where he had entered, and his finger returned to its original form.

He looked back and forth between his hand and the window, or whatever it was. No harm had been done. Cautious, but very much curious, he again reached in, this time with his whole hand. The pinkish color his hand supplied swirled into the colors of the outside world, mixing with the green of the grass and blue of the sky, interrupting their place in this painting that had depth in addition to height and width. He moved his hand from the dark rocks of the brook across the grass, up the tree trunk, through its many leaves, into the blue sky, over the white clouds, and, with slight trepidation for a reason he did not understand and did not think about, into the very center of the blinding, rising sun.

But the darker colors never got that far. Instead, they faded away as they went higher, disappearing as the sun’s rays grew closer. Upon reaching the source of all light, the dark colors had gone completely, for light destroys darkness, banishes it.

The young man’s understanding of this, however, was currently very limited, and what he saw did not compute with his implicit understanding of pigment. But he took this in stride, for he admitted to himself that he didn’t understand what this window, this strange, beautiful, interactive painting of reality, was at all. There was no way he could at that time. And as fascinating as he found it, its mystery did not compare with his own.

Still — something about it, this window, felt right to him. As if it were another piece to his puzzle, and he had connected it with the piece he had woken up already possessing. Of course, the puzzle would surely take hundreds, perhaps thousands more pieces to complete, and what he had so far remained positively inconclusive, but this was a start, and as everybody knows, a journey has to start somewhere.

Lost in thought, or perhaps in feeling, the white-haired young man stared dreamily at the opposite wall, upon which the dawning sunlight from the window fell. In the background he heard a bird chirping, but did not actively register it. A vague, fuzzy peace was calming the distress with which he had awoken. It took him a good while for his mind to truly see what his eyes were already seeing. When he finally noticed it, some of that vague, fuzzy peace departed, and he took a few steps closer to get a better look.

A pattern of strange, dark lines had materialized, and were becoming sharper and more defined as the sun rose higher. A pattern of arcane symbols and mysterious drawings. It could have been a map, or a diagram, or even a language. To his surprise the lines began to disappear as he drew closer. But, he realized, only where his person blocked the sunlight and created shadow. He stepped to the side, allowing the light to touch the wall, and the lines and symbols reappeared. Lines of shadow, of material darkness, ablaze in the midst of light, impossible to be seen otherwise. Something mystical that our white-haired young man did not understand.

The song of the bird outside stole his stare back from the lines of shadow, and he glanced back out the window. Suddenly a feathery flash of blue swerved into his vision and the young man ducked. In through the window flew the tiny blue songbird, as if the window did not exist at all, and twice it circled overhead, finally coming to light on a bedpost. Next to the bird at the foot of the bed lay a stack of folded clothes. Sometimes the most strange and bizarre occurrences have a way of bringing simple and necessary things to our attention. Our young man, bemused by the bird, put on these clothes. And then, not knowing what else to do, he took the pen and notebook from the desk, walked to the doorway leading out, and pulled on the handle.

As he exited, the Sentence continued to reverberate against the walls of his brain, echoing back and forth, filling his otherwise empty mind.

Gregor Townsend exists for a wise and glorious purpose.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Talk #3

This is my first draft of my third talk. I've only read through it once since it was completed. Some heavy editing will be done by the time I give it. (I am, however, not sure when that will be. Haven't asked the bishop yet.)

Talk #3, The Fruits of Repentance

by NEAL SILVESTER

Surely many of you know the story of Oskar Schindler, a German industrialist and member of the Nazi party during World War II. He was also a womanizer and war profiteer. He started an enamelware factory when Germany invaded Poland, sensing a terrific opportunity to capitalize on the war. To save on costs, Schindler hired forced Jewish laborers to work in his factory. He became rich and influential, powerful and persuasive. But something happened to him during this time. No one is quite sure why — though initially the reason was certainly financial — but Schindler began shielding his Jewish workers from the terrors and threats of the Nazis, using his factory as a kind of sanctuary where they would be protected. He used his influence and persuasive abilities to deflect Nazi investigations and get out of difficult situations. One story, from Eric Silver’s book The Book of the Just, says, “Two Gestapo men came to his office and demanded that he hand over a family of five who had bought forged Polish identity papers. 'Three hours after they walked in,' Schindler said, 'two drunk Gestapo men reeled out of my office without their prisoners and without the incriminating documents they had demanded'.” Eventually he went completely broke, having used all his considerable funds to bribe suspicious officials and care for his workers.

In the end Oskar Schindler saved over 1,100 Jews from the horrors of the Holocaust. Today there are more than 6,000 descendants of the Schindler Jews.

Brothers and sisters, what I seek to impress upon you today is the potentially unending fruits of the true repentance of a single soul. The power and magnitude of this act of repentance, so simple and pure, can reach infinite proportions and reap eternal consequences.

It begins with humility. The small and simple step of admitting you’re wrong. In terms of repentance, humility is brought about in one of two ways: the first, by being compelled to be humble; the second, being truly humble because of the word, or because of our own decision to change. Alma the younger illustrates both of these in his sermon to the poor and lowly of the Zoramites. The people he preached to had been cast out of the synagogues because of their exceeding poverty, and had received ridicule and scorn for the same reason. Alma rejoices when he meets them, “for he beheld that their afflictions had truly humbled them, and that they were in a preparation to hear the word” (Alma 32:6). He goes on to tell them, “And now, because ye are compelled to be humble blessed are ye; for a man sometimes, if he is compelled to be humble, seeketh repentance; and now surely, whosever repenteth shall find mercy; and he that findeth mercy and endureth to the end the same shall be saved” (Alma 32:13) Then Alma asks them a hypothetical question: “Do ye not suppose that they are more blessed who truly humble themselves because of the word?” (Alma 32:14)

Perhaps Alma was thinking of his own father, Alma the Elder, when he said this. The first Alma lived and worked among the wicked priests of King Noah until he heard the words of the prophet Abinadi. He alone felt the power of the Spirit in Abinadi’s words, he alone received the word of God into his heart. Because of this, he changed, he repented. He was not forced into it by poverty or tragedy or hardship. He was not compelled to be humble. He chose it.

And in speaking of being compelled to be humble, perhaps Alma the younger was thinking of himself. In spite of the righteousness of his father, Alma the younger lived a life of rebellion. He fought against the church, and frustrated the work of the Lord’s servants. He was an active stumbling block to the growth of God’s kingdom. Until God answered the prayers of his father and sent an angel to speak words of hellfire and damnation to him. Over the next three days Alma felt the pains of a damned soul: he was “racked with eternal torment,” and his “soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all [his] sins.” It was in this state of spiritual torture, of nothing but darkness and “inexpressible horror,” that he remembered the words of his father, Alma the elder, when he had spoken and prophesied of Jesus Christ, a Son of God, who would come “to atone for the sins of the world.” In that hellish darkness he cried out to Jesus to have mercy on him, to save him. In that hellish darkness he cried out his willingness to change, to repent...

And in one glorious, miraculous instant, he was forgiven. In describing the experience to his son Helaman, he said, “There could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.”

This experience of death and darkness raised to life and light was shared by Alma’s friends, the sons of Mosiah, who had once persecuted the church and sought to destroy it along with him. In chapter 26 of Alma, Ammon rhetorically asks his brethren, “Who could have supposed that our God would have been so merciful as to have snatched us from our awful, sinful, and polluted state? Behold, we went forth even in wrath, with mighty threatenings to destroy his church. Oh then, why did he not consign us to an awful destruction, yea, why did he not let the sword of his justice fall upon us to eternal despair? Oh, my soul, almost as it were, fleeth at the thought. Behold, he did not exercise his justice upon us, but in his great mercy hath brought us over that everlasting gulf of death and misery, even to the salvation of our souls.”

It’s a good question. Why didn’t He? The Lord had every right and reason to let them spiritually perish. They would have deserved it. They had grown up in the Gospel; their father was King Mosiah; their best friend’s father was Alma the elder, the high priest of the church. They knew better. They rebelled anyway, and it took a miracle to set them straight. By why them? Do you think the Lord would have sent that angel for their sakes alone? If so, why hasn’t He done so with every other sinner in the world?

And the opposite question, too, could be asked: once we have received all the saving ordinances and proven our faith, why doesn’t Heavenly Father just take us back?

The answer to both of these questions is, as we’ll see, one and the same. And it is found just a few verses later in Alma’s accounting of his repentance to Helaman, Alma 36: 24 —

“Yea, and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing, that I might bring souls unto repentance; that I might bring them to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost.”

God saved Alma and the sons of Mosiah so they could in turn share their experiences, their faith and their newfound convictions with others, so that those others too could taste of the exceeding joy which they had been freely given.

Let us recount the prodigious fruits, the ever-rippling results, the eternal effects of Alma’s repentance.

First some facts: he is conferred the office of high priest by his father and also becomes the very first chief judge over the Nephites. A few years later he lead the Nephites in war against the rebellious Amlicites, even joining in the physical conflict himself. And get this — he personally slays the opposing rebel leader, Amlici, after meeting him face to face on the battlefield. Can you imagine if President Monson dueled with Osama bin Laden?

A few years later, as a result of that terrible war, many of the Nephites were humbled and saddened, so much so that they turned to God and changed their previously wicked ways, and “awakened to a remembrance of their duty.” About three thousand, five hundred souls were baptized by the hand of Alma during that time.

Shortly after this Alma relinquishes the judgment seat to go spread the Gospel among the Nephite nation, “seeing no way that he might reclaim them save it were in bearing down in pure testimony against them.” He goes from city to city, preaching the word of God and giving many sermons, including that quintessential description of Christ’s Atonement in Alma 7:11-12 that is perhaps the most quoted passage regarding the Atonement in all scriptural canon. In Alma chapter 8 we learn that people came to Alma from “all the borders of the land which was by the wilderness side. And they were baptized throughout all the land.”

He goes to Ammonihah and receives help from Amulek, who becomes his companion in preaching the Gospel. They confound the wicked lawyers, including Zeezrom, who later becomes fevered and ill with regret and crisis of conscience, “his mind exceedingly sore because of his iniquities.” Zeezrom’s heart changes, and he seeks forgiveness from his God and is healed by Alma. Immediately afterward he is baptized and begins to preach unto the people with Alma and Amulek.

[Decades later, in the book of Helaman, we hear the words of a repentant Lamanite admonishing his wicked brethren, reminding them of the words that had once been preached unto them by Zeezrom regarding faith in Jesus Christ. We also learn of the existence of a city called “Zeezrom.” Think he did okay on his mission?

And here I’d like to add a parenthetical. We’ve all heard the phrase “eternal lives.” But I wonder if we all understand what, exactly, that means. Based purely on my own interpretation, I believe we see a type or shadow of this concept in missionary work. To wit: Abinadi teaches Alma the Elder, who teaches his son Alma the Younger, who teaches Zeezrom, who teaches the Lamanites, who teach each other. One long chain that never has to end. Similarly, we all possess the capability to produce children. Those children can create more children, and on and on and on. An endless chain of lives. However, if we become, as is our goal, celestial, exalted beings, this chain can become eternal and exalted in its own right. The difference here is the same as between the concept of immortality and eternal life. We are children of God, and can become like Him. In other words, we can one day become gods ourselves. And then, like Heavenly Father has now, we will have the capability to give rise to another generation of gods, who can then in turn create another. And on and on and on. It never has to end. This is infinite potential, or eternal lives.]

Years later Alma heads a mission to the city of Antionum, along with the sons of Mosiah, Amulek, and two of his sons, Shiblon and Corianton. Even Zeezrom the lawyer goes along. Here they found the Zoramites, the rich and elite of whom worshipped via the Rameumptom. They preached among the impoverished outcasts of the city. To them Alma taught humility, and then the iconic and monumental lesson about faith, comparing the word unto a seed and showing that by degrees, even the mere desire to believe can cause that seed, when planted in one’s heart, to grow into a veritable tree of life, the fruit of which tastes of eternal life. In the end, those who believed on the words of Alma and his brethren were cast out of the city. Mormon refers to the number of converts as “many.”

In the proceeding chapters of his book, Alma goes on to teach each of his sons. Not only do these lessons have a profound effect on his sons, including Helaman, who goes on to lead the church in his father’s stead, but they also have reached thousands of years into the future, touching and edifying millions of modern-day disciples of Christ.

In the last we read of Alma’s missionary work, Mormon tells us that Alma “could not rest” and went out with his sons to preach. A short time later he blesses his sons and confers upon Helaman the mantle of high priest over the Nephites. He then departs out of the land, and is never seen nor heard of again. We can only surmise that he was translated, taken up by the Spirit of the Lord directly into heaven.

But the effects he wrought upon the world and upon his people do not end with his mortal departure. Remember that he taught his sons. And what was their legacy?

Just a short time before Moroni would fight against Amalickiah and the Lamanites, Helaman, and his brethren went wherever they could and preached the word of God, and baptized all who would hearken unto their words. “And the people did humble themselves because of their words, insomuch that they were highly favored of the Lord, and thus they were free from wars and contentions among themselves.” And when the time of war came, they fought only with much reluctance; “they were sorry to take up arms against the Lamanites because they did not delight in the shedding of blood,” and “they were sorry to be the means of sending so many of their brethren out of this world into an eternal world, unprepared to meet their God.”

And even in the midst of warfare, as verse 30 of chapter 49 in the book of Alma says, “There was continual peace among them, and exceedingly great prosperity in the church because of their heed and diligence which they gave unto the word of God, which was declared unto them by Helaman, and Shiblon, and Corianton, and Ammon and his brethren.”

In the war, Helaman takes command of the 2,000 stripling warriors, whose story of faith we teach in this modern day on a regular basis. From them we learn that small yet powerful lesson of the effect righteous mothers can have on their children, and consequently on the tides of war, and even beyond that to people thousands of years in the future.

After the war, Helaman returns to his position as high priest, and goes forth with his brethren to preach again, “unto the convincing of many people of their wickedness, which did cause them to repent of their sins and to be baptized unto the Lord their God.”

When Helaman dies the sacred records are passed to his brother Shiblon, who, before his own death, confers them upon Helaman’s son who was also called Helaman. This second Helaman names his sons Nephi and Lehi, who grow to be among the most powerful and successful missionaries in the Book of Mormon. By the time Nephi fills the judgment seat the church has dwindled considerably because of general wickedness among the nation, but also in large part due to a movement of Nephite dissenters, and of course the wicked and destroying influence of the Gadianton robbers. Nephi ends up conferring the judgment seat to someone else, and goes with his brother Lehi to preach throughout the land.

After going through every Nephite city, they journeyed to the land of the Lamanites. There they spoke with such power and authority that “many” Nephite dissenters repented and rejoined the church, and 8,000 of the Lamanites were baptized.

In another Lamanite city, Nephi and Lehi were taken prisoner and denied food and water. And as the Lamanite guards ventured into the prison to kill them, the two were encircled about as with fire, and the guards were enveloped in a cloud of darkness. In that darkness they heard the word of God, telling them to repent and not to seek the life of His servants, who had come to them to deliver a message of peace and joy. The guards, paralyzed by the darkness, and shaking and trembling like the walls of the prison they were in, saw Nephi and Lehi speaking with angels, their countenances shining, full of light. One of the Lamanite guards was a Nephite by birth, who had grown up in the church but had later dissented. In that darkness he remembered what he had once been taught, and shared it with his fellow guards. “You must repent,” he says, “and cry unto the [Lord], even until ye shall have faith in Christ, who was taught unto you by Alma, and Amulek, and Zeezrom.” This man remembered the words of those missionaries from decades previous, including those of the one-time wicked lawyer Zeezrom. All of the Lamanite guards did according to his words, and cried out for mercy, cried out their repentance to the Lord. The darkness was consequently lifted from them. The Holy Spirit of God entered their hearts, and whispered words of peace and forgiveness.

Mormon tells us that “about three hundred souls saw and heard these things; and they were bidden to go forth and marvel not, neither should they doubt. And it came to pass that they did go forth, and did minister unto the people, declaring throughout the regions round about all the things which they had heard and seen, insomuch that the more part of the Lamanites were convinced of them.” “And as many as were convinced did lay down their weapons of war, and also their hatred and the tradition of their fathers.” The Lamanites became, therefore, a righteous people, and, in a stunning reversal, sent out missionaries to declare the word unto the more wicked part of the Nephites. As a result of this missionary work, the Nephites and Lamanites joined together in an era of near universal peace and prosperity.

It was ruined, however, by the hand of the Gadianton robbers. And in them we again see the astonishing influence a single man can have on a nation, only this time as an influence for evil, for destruction. This satanic band of robbers and murderers, founded by a man called Gadianton a few years previous, eventually led to the ultimate downfall of the Nephite nation. We can see similar problems from secret combinations in our own day, with drug cartels, street gangs, and organized crime. In this case, the chief judge was assassinated, as was his successor. This ended up leading the Nephites astray, and wickedness again pervaded the land.

Nephi, the son of the second Helaman, uses his gift of prophecy and the sealing power to bring about a famine in the land, compelling the people to be humble and repent, until the church once again spread throughout the land, and the people are blessed with prosperity. Nephi then passes down records to his son, also named Nephi, and, like his great-grandfather Alma, departed out of the land, never to be seen or heard from again. Like with Alma, we can only surmise that he was translated.

Nephi the son of Nephi leads the church, preaching and ministering, doing miracles and visiting with angels, fighting for the Lord and spreading the Gospel as far as he can until the great day came when the resurrected Christ visits the Nephites. After Christ’s ascension into heaven Nephi continues to lead the church as it spreads throughout the land, ushering in the greatest and longest period of peace, prosperity, and happiness the Nephites would ever have, spanning nearly three hundred years.

Now, brothers and sisters, I would like you to remember what started all of this. What spawned this story, what brought about the repentance and conversion and eternal salvation of tens of thousands of souls.

I believe Alma sums this up adequately in his words to Helaman, his son. Alma 36: 24-26 reads:

“Yea, and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing, that I might bring souls unto repentance; that I might bring them to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost.”

“Yea, and now behold, O my son, the Lord doth give me exceedingly great joy in the fruit of my labors;

“For because of the word which he has imparted unto me, behold, many have been born of God, and have tasted as I have tasted, and have seen eye to eye as I have seen; therefore they do know of these things of which I have spoken, as I do know.”

This — all this that I have gone over — all of it is the change wrought by a single man. A man armed with the power of God and the perpetually unsatiated desire to bless the lives of others. A man whose life was all about everybody else.

That is the power of one man’s obedience. One man’s humility. One man’s repentance.

Repentance. That is the key here. That is the trigger that starts everything. That is the seed planted. The seed that grows into a tree that has the potential to bear much fruit. Fruit that fills the eater with light and life. Fruit that contains more seeds that can bring forth their own likeness. Seeds that can grow more trees, bearing more fruit, and on and on and on. That is the concept of eternal lives.

And what does the fruit of the tree of life represent? It represents the love of God, the love of our Savior. The very reason the Plan of Happiness was created, the reason our Heavenly Father has done all that He has for us, the reason He wants us to fulfill our potential to become like Him. The reason our Savior went through the excruciating pain of Gethsemane, “how sore [we] know not, how exquisite [we] know not, yea, how hard to bear [we] know not.” D&C 19:18 — “Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit — and would that I might not drink the butter cup, and shrink — ”

There is a dash there, not a period. It is an unfinished sentence. I want you to take note of that significant detail. Stop and reflect on what it might mean. It is as if our perfect and loving Savior could not bear to finish his sentence, the memory of the pain was so great. He “suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent.”

He did it for us. It is all about love. And because of this love he has offered us the opportunity to repent. Mosiah 26:30 – “Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me.” Take a second to think about that. Have you ever held a grudge? Usually these are for small, petty things. Occasionally they will be for big things. Either way, it is hard to look past them and forgive. Can you imagine being a perfect being, someone who has never done a wrong thing in their life, nor anything hurtful or mean-spirited or cruel, and who has given all that they are capable of giving, even their very life and every iota of love that is in their being in attempt to save them, to offer them an eternity of everlasting happiness, and one who is also mocked and rejected and hated and fought against by those same people? And the perfect, incomprehensible love that being has in continuing to reach out to them, in having his mighty, saving arm stretched out still, and finally in forgiving those people when they realize they were wrong, and again offering them everything they had offered before.

Think about that for a moment. Can we understand that kind of love? I don’t think we can right now. Perhaps only a parent can come close to truly understanding this concept of unconditional love. Alma’s repentance could not have been possible without the prayers of his mortal father.

But despite our inability to fully conceive of such love, we can benefit from it. Even though we don’t deserve it, even though we are all sinners, falling short of the mark, even though we fail and fall again and again and again — His arm is reached out still, and we can repent, and turn to Him. Even when we are in a state of rebellion and spiritual darkness we can turn back, and look to God and live. That is the condition of much of society right now. And that is exactly what happened to Alma the Younger.

Now let me share with you a brief thought. Last year at a Singles Ward FHE, the sister giving the lesson relayed an idea she had recently heard. She started by pointing out that often in the church we thank the Lord for our many blessings, such as having the Gospel in our lives, or being able to live in a free country, or having a loving family, or being well-off financially, or any number of the wonderful and unique blessings God provides and affords us. She then went on to point out to us that we should not be merely thanking God for these things as if they are specifically and only for us, but that we should be asking God how we can use these blessings to further the work of the Gospel and bless the lives of those around us.

Our Heavenly Father didn’t bestow our comforts and salvations upon us simply as rewards for something we did in our pre-Earth life. Think of those blessings we express our gratitude for in our prayers. Continue to thank God for them. But then ask for His help in using those gifts for good.

Think about what Heavenly Father did for Alma. Then realize that we have all been given the same thing. The Atonement. The joy and stability of the Gospel. The hope of salvation and the potential for exaltation, the breadth and scope of which is of a magnitude we can hardly comprehend. Realize that we, too, have been given much, “the greatest of all the gifts of God.”

And so I ask you: what are we going to do with it? Stand upon the Rameumptom and thank God for being able to live in America, for being born in the church, for knowing the Gospel, for having a higher station in life than the rest of the people in the world? In the words of Moroni in his letter to Pahoran, I ask, “Do you suppose that the Lord will still deliver us, while we sit upon our thrones and do not make use of the means which the Lord has provided for us?” (Alma 60: 21). Remember the temple: We all covenanted to consecrate everything with which we’ve been blessed to the building up of the kingdom of God on the earth. Everything.

Think of our most prominent blessing first: the Atonement. It first works on a personal scale; Christ’s sacrifice was for us — each of us, individually. But then, through the Spirit and through us, it spreads to others. It grows to a grand, epic scale, of which we can be a part. Isn’t that a great privilege? In fact, we are commanded to be part of it. We are commanded to be an easer of burdens, servants of our fellow man and hence servants of the Lord. As King Benjamin pointed out in his masterful sermon, in serving others we serve God, because that’s what God wants; God wants to help these other people, and we are the means by which He can do that. Here’s something to think about: God needs us! We are His hands! We are, or can be, the instruments by which He does His work! Can you imagine what a privilege it must have been for that angel who spoke to Alma and the sons of Mosiah, to be chosen for that particular errand? Brothers and sisters, we, too, can be angels.

For now that we, as married people who have been sealed in the house of the Lord, have received all of the necessary saving ordinances, our life can and should become about everybody else. Our own salvation has been sealed; now we must save others.

So how do we do this? I reiterate that it begins with repentance. It begins with yourself. And as we change, as we repent, others can see you as an example. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Your own constant self-improvement will become as a polar star to those with whom you associate. They will remember longer what they saw in you than what they heard from you. Your attitude, your point of view can make such a tremendous difference.”

And as we repent we continue to take on Christlike qualities. Qualities of kindness and compassion. We are commanded to be like Him, in word and thought and deed. As we do this we continue to shine as an example. We become a light on the hill. As we repent and change, our very lives should become our testimony of Him. What we believe, what we know, should be represented by our whole person, in everything we do; it should be who we are, the very core of our being. The words we say, the choices we make, the way we dress ourselves, the way we carry ourselves, our very countenance should reflect the light we have inside. President Hinckley said, “Let us live the Gospel. Let it shine in our lives. Let it shine in our faces. Let it come through our actions.”

A few months ago I attended an endowment session in the temple with my good friend Joseph Harris. He had to go in a wheelchair because his body was too weak to stand and walk. It was a severe struggle for him to complete the session. When it was over and Joe had passed into the celestial room, a brother in the temple told me that he was humbled because of the example Joe set for him, in going to the temple despite being physically handicapped, and his resolve to attend the temple more often was strengthened. No doubt others in that room were also touched by Joe’s example. I was certainly one of them.

But the commandment to be Christlike is not strictly for the benefit of providing an example. It is not about our own standing with God, whether we choose right or wrong. It is also about how we affect our spiritual siblings, our friends, neighbors and even enemies. It is about being a part of the Atonement and blessing the lives of others. When we take on Christlike attributes, we are not only bettering our own lives, but all those who surround us as well. And when we change, the world changes.

Remember the quintessential Christlike attribute of love. Love is what drives our Savior and Heavenly Father. Shouldn’t it be what drives us, too? John 15:12 says, “This is my commandment, that ye love one another as I have loved you.” Then he says, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” Christ literally did this, in giving up his mortality for all mankind. We are commanded to love one another as he loved us. Does He mean, then, that we should die for our fellow man? I suggest a more figurative, but still utterly drastic and important reading: Christ wants us to fully devote the rest of our lives to the betterment and welfare of our fellow man. To give ourselves up for others, as He gave Himself for us.

We see a perfect demonstration of this principle in Ammon, whose rebellious ways were suddenly reversed by the same angelic visitation that so changed Alma’s life. He went into the land of the Lamanites with his brothers, the sons of Mosiah, to proclaim the Gospel. Soon after he entered their domain he was caught and imprisoned and taken before the king. King Lamoni was curious at this, and when asked to explain his motivations in coming there, Ammon said simply, “Yea, I desire to dwell among this people for a time; yea, and perhaps until the day I die.” Then, without a word about his eventual purpose to proclaim the Gospel to them, he says, “I will be thy servant.”

And such he did, taking care of the king’s flocks, defending them and his fellow servants against rampaging troublemakers, and also tending to the king’s horses. He was literally willing to give up his life, the remainder of his days, in the service of the Lamanite king. This ultimately put him and his brothers on the path to converting nearly the entire Lamanite nation, giving tens if not hundreds of thousands the hope for salvation and potential for exaltation. But it began with just a desire to serve in whatever way he could.

And so, like Ammon, like Christ, we serve our brethren, whether their needs be spiritual or temporal. It is a part of our baptismal covenant, as is explained by Alma the Elder to his new converts at the Waters of Mormon.

“Now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life.”

There are so many people out there who are hurting, some without even knowing it. People who need kindness, hope, a light in their lives. Often, as the hymn says, “In the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can’t see.” You can be kind. You can give them hope. You can be that light. The Lord loves those people so much that he sent you to help them. And He loves you so much that you get to play a part in the salvation of a soul, if not many souls.
But we must also remember — and this I say to those of you who have not been able to contribute to the Lord’s work as directly or as much as you wish you could — we must also remember that God consecrates all service done in His name and for His work, regardless of how successful we are, regardless of the number of our converts. I feel confident in saying that Alma the Younger and your any given full-time missionary will receive the same amount of glory in the hereafter. As will those who earnestly strive to live the Lord’s teachings, wherever you are and in whatever capacity you serve. In terms of baptized converts, I think that as long as you are faithful, the number of your converts is up to God and the converts themselves. The Lord will bless and reward you the same as any other faithful servant.

But that’s the key. You must be faithful. And you must show that faith. You must try. You must sincerely want to serve, sincerely want to help, sincerely want to change people, and by changing people, change the world. In Doctrine and Covenants Section 6, the Lord tells Oliver Cowdery, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, even as you desire of me so it shall be given unto you; and if you desire, you shall be the means of doing much good in this generation.” Brothers and sisters, I posit that all of us should desire to be the means of doing much good in this generation. And I suggest that the Lord will give us the same promise He gave to Oliver. For if we truly desire, the opportunities will be given. We will have a chance to change a life, and in that we have a chance to change the world.

President Hinckley has said, “You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence.”

There are, as I mentioned briefly, some of us who can’t serve on the front lines of the Lord’s work. This following bit is for them. For us.
I’m going to tell you my mission story, but I’m going to tell you the twist right up front: there was no mission. Not an official two-year one, anyway.

I had my papers officially submitted in May of 2009. I was told the call would come by Thursday a couple weeks later. It didn’t arrive then. It continued to not arrive for the next few weeks. I made a phone call to my bishop and stake president, neither of whom knew exactly what was going on. They made phone calls, wrote letters. Finally, in late July, my stake president called me in and told me the situation. A certain medication that I take for bipolar disorder shot up an instant red flag in Salt Lake City. The brethren have been very careful as of late to not send out young men who may not be emotionally or psychologically equipped to handle the everyday rigors of the mission life. Their reasoning in this is perfectly sound: they don’t want to have to send elders home early because they weren’t able to handle it. Such a release would be paramount to telling them they weren’t good enough to serve a mission, while everyone they left were. While this is not wholly accurate, the overall experience would be traumatic and scarring, not to mention spiritually detrimental. So now they just don’t send out those elders. I was one of them.

My stake president gave me a choice: I could either accept an honorable release right then or wait a few months and try submitting my papers again. After a few weeks of contemplation, I determined that I was going to wait and try again. I honestly and genuinely questioned my ability to serve. Not from a spiritual view, which I felt rock solid on, but from a psychological one. I plain old didn’t know if I could handle it. And so I would leave it in the Lord’s hands. If He felt I were emotionally capable, He would prompt the brethren to send me on a mission. If He felt I wasn’t, He wouldn’t. Either way I declared my allegiance to the Lord and would serve where He wanted me to be, whether it was on a full-time mission or on the home front. I told my stake president I wanted to try again. So in December my stake president made some more phone calls, sent some more emails, inquiring and fighting for me. During that time I felt very strongly that the answer would be No. On January 7, 2010, my stake president called me in again. He sat me down and said, “Neal, how would you feel about foregoing a mission and moving on with your life?” Because the Spirit had prepared me, this was not a shock, and I accepted this answer optimistically. In some ways it was a relief, and in others it was incredibly disappointing. I had felt the healing powers of the Atonement in my life in extremely personal and powerful ways. I knew it was true. I wanted to repay my debt to my Savior. I wanted to fight for the Lord. But I couldn’t. Not on the front lines.

But I could in other ways, and in other places. As a result of another very strong spiritual impulse at that time, I felt, even before the answer came from my stake president, that I should go to the temple and receive my endowment. About two weeks before I was told No, I went through the temple. Upon learning that I wouldn’t be able to serve a mission, I made up my mind that I would serve the Lord where I stood at that time. And so, every week for the next 8 months I did at least one endowment session (only missing one week because I didn’t realize the Oakland, California temple closed early on Saturdays). On September 1st of last year I became a veil worker in the Provo temple and continued to serve weekly.

Brothers and sisters, I wasn’t able to serve on the front lines. But the Lord was still able to use me to bless the lives of others. I was still able to take part in the vicarious work of redeeming the dead, like a missionary by proxy. Joseph Smith said, paraphrasing, that the dead cannot be saved without us, neither can we, the living, be saved without them. Those of us who did not have the opportunity to serve in a direct fashion or who are no longer on the front lines of this battle can still be used as instruments in the Lord’s hands. And we, too, can know the joy the sons of Mosiah felt and expressed in the book of Alma chapter 26, perhaps the happiest and most inspiring chapter in all of scripture.

If you come away from this talk with only one thing, let this be it: temple work is the most important kind of service you can do, for it is far more than just weeding your neighbor’s garden, or helping somebody move — doing work in the temple changes eternities. It grants liberty and life where there was once only confinement and death. It turns darkness to light, damnation to salvation, utter misery to never-ending happiness. And because of the love of the Lord, we can be a part of it. We can help change eternities.

But first we must be worthy. First we must enact changes in our own lives and be granted a temple recommend. Then we must keep that recommend. Then we must do all that the Lord asks of us. So if you do not have a temple recommend or are not of the necessary spiritual worthiness, I say unto you that you must repent. Repent, not only for your own sake, but for those whose lives can be changed by yours. There are multitudes who need your help, both living and dead. Brothers and sisters, I challenge you to revolve your life around them, to make your life about everybody else.

There is only one way to truly repay or even just try to repay, our debt to our Savior, just as there is only one way to repay our earthly parents for the perpetual sacrifices they’ve made for us throughout their life. For the latter, do the exact same for your own children. For the former, do the exact same for Heavenly Father’s children.

D & C 58:27 says, “Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness.” We should not wait to do good until we are asked. We should learn by the example of the sons of Mosiah, who desired of their own will to take the Gospel to the Lamanites. And look what service they were able to render unto so many souls.

Let us come to know the possible heights of emotion and spirituality that come from such service. Let us know what Alma and the sons of Mosiah felt, and help others to achieve that state. And let us also know that it is nothing compared to the supreme and everlasting joy we will have in the world to come, and all the more if we bring many souls with us.

Jackie Robinson, the first black baseball player to play in the Major Leagues, said, “A life is not important except the impact it has on others’ lives.”

Recall my words earlier about Oskar Schindler. Can you hear that story and not believe what I believe? That Oskar Schindler, though not a perfect man, did exactly what God put him on this earth to do. He fulfilled the mission he had been given.

God has a mission for you, too. And for me. And for all of us. We have power, we have potential, we have possibilities that right now we couldn’t even fathom. We must not ever forget that. We can never know if even the briefest experience can cause cascades of change. We have seen what Alma the Younger did to attempt to repay his debt to the Lord. Let us go and do likewise. Let us make life about everybody else.

Our beloved prophet, President Thomas S. Monson said, “The sweetest experience in mortality is to know that our Heavenly Father has worked through us.” Brothers and sisters, I can testify that this is true. And I invite you to know it too, to know that sweetest experience. Dedicate your lives to God. Make your will malleable in His hands. And always remember, “Unto whom much is given, much is required.” I leave this message with you in the name of my Savior and of yours, even Jesus Christ, amen.