Intro to Cellular Sorcery

Kyle “Red” McGee stared at the empty husk of the old timey television he had just kicked in.

“I knew it,” he whispered.

He continued to stare, moving only slightly to grab the phone off its hook. Without looking he dialed Ben’s number and put it slowly to his ear. He waited several rings, still staring at the runes and inscriptions that lined the inside of the bashed-in television.

He had not yet connected the discovery he had just made with the technology he was using to call Ben.

Ben answered the phone, then asked into it, “Yeah Red, what is it?”

“I knew it, Ben!” he seethed into the phone, his gaze still transfixed on the television.. “I knew it.”

“Knew what, Red?”

“The answer to all the world’s mysteries. I just never thought to kick in my TV to find it.”

“Wait, what? You kicked in your TV? Why?”

“It had to be done, Ben. And now the world’s going to know the truth. The truth about everyth---”

That was when he made the connection. He jerked the phone away from his ear and stared at it, disgusted. Boiling with anger, he closed his eyes, sighed, and put the distasteful phone back to his ear.

“The truth about everything,” he finished.

“What the heck is going on?” Ben said, exasperated.

“Just...come over. Right now. You won’t like what you’re going to see, but you will still be grateful that I showed you. That I opened your eyes.”

“This is urgent?”

“Utmostly,” Red said.

“That’s not a word, Red.”

“It’s of importnance, then, does that statisfy you?”

Ben hesitated over the phone. Red could hear him rolling his eyes. Then---“Yes.”

“So you’re coming?”

“On my way.”

“Great.”

Red hung up the phone then threw it at the wall.

“Filth,” he muttered.

He sat perfectly still on the couch, continuing to face the television. He would not turn his back to it, or any of its kind, ever again.

Ben arrived shortly afterward. As he came in, Red wondered if the doorbell was part of the whole thing too, or whether it actually made sense. He had never thought about the morality of doorbells before. He’d have to look into it sometime.

Red said very little to his friend.

“Look,” he said, indicating the TV with a nod of his head.

“You really did kick it in, then. Why?”

“That’s not the point, Ben. Look closer. Inside. See what’s in there?”

Ben leaned over to peer inside.

“That’s weird. It’s empty,” he said with a frown.

“Exactly,” said.

“But what is all this stuff on the walls...?”

“Exactly,” Red said again.

“Are they...inscriptions? Runes of some kind?”

“Exactly,” Red said thricely. “A few minutes ago they were glowing. Do you realize what that means?”

“That....” Ben started. Then he gasped. “It’s...it’s all...!”

“Exactly---”

“Stop---stop saying that,” Ben said with a twitch of annoyance.

“Sorry, Dr. Vocabulary; it’s precisely what we talked about before. You know I knew this. I told you before. I knew it. I knew it.”

“Knew what, exactly---er, specifically?”

Red paused a moment, then said with a flair and a deep, dark, ominous tone:

“That all technology is really just black magic.”

The two shared a moment of awe-inspired silence.

“The question is,” Red continued, “how are we going to inform the world?”

“Wow,” Ben breathed. “Now we have the weight of the world on our shoulders. But Red, just out of curiosity, why did you kick in the TV?”

Red shrugged. “Cincinnati lost.”